by Stephen Kramer Avitabile
Hello Duncan,
My name is Claire, and I was told you were the City House Insurance representative that I should reach out to about my claim. My claim number is C1404976 and I filed it on March 26th of this year. I wanted to ask about the progress on my claim as it appears to be taking an unusually long time. To refresh you on the details, nearly half of my house was destroyed by an alien ship as it was pursued by military jets. Our entire living room, dining room, two of the four bedrooms, and one of the two bathrooms were decimated. No one was hurt, thankfully, but it has been extremely difficult for my family to go about our usual schedule, cramming ourselves into half a house. I would really appreciate a solution to my case. Without the insurance money, we are stuck in this rut.
Thank you,
Claire
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Dear Claire,
Pleased to meet you! Thank you for all the pertinent details on your claim. I was finally able to review this in full and see what the hold-up was. Unfortunately, your claim won’t be fulfilled as your insurance does not cover this. I apologize for the delay in response, but please reach out to me with any questions you may have.
Best,
Duncan
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Hello again Duncan,
Claire here. How is this not covered by my insurance? The alien ship crashed right into my house, and the reason it hit my house was because a U.S. jet was pursuing it, making it change its course, and thus, hitting my home. You obviously have to cover this.
Claire
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Dear Claire,
Good day to you! Hope all is well. Unfortunately, this is out of our hands. If, say, the military jet had hit your home, then we would be able to cover it as that is a human lifeform from this planet and we could work with the military on that. But it wasn’t the human that hit your house, it was the alien. It’s easy for us to get money out of humans, beings with a pulse that make mistakes. Too bad it wasn’t the military jet, huh? As always, any questions, I am your guy!
Best,
Duncan
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Dear Duncan,
Claire again. I am confused. You are saying that it would have to be a lifeform with a pulse, right? This damage was caused by an alien. An alien that is a lifeform and has a pulse. Right? So, what’s the hold up?
Thanks,
Claire
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Dear Claire,
That’s a good question. If you’ve been keeping up with all the news as City House has been for insurance policy purposes, it hasn’t yet been proven that the aliens have a pulse. They’ve caught several and brought them into their labs. You likely heard about the two instances where the alien had not expired, as the scientists had thought, and then released a powerful nerve gas from a canister inside his bio-suit killing all the scientists in the room. So, clearly no one got to examine those aliens. But the others that were examined, no pulse was found. So, no way to blame them if they aren’t a being with a pulse!
Best,
Duncan
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Hi Duncan,
Just through the nature of things, the laws of science, they have to have a pulse. They are beings. This claim has to be covered.
Claire
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Hi Claire!
Actually, we can’t prove that. Beings from Earth, sure. But beings from another planet, we can’t be certain of their body makeup. And unfortunately, those bio-suits are too difficult to crack through. They haven’t been able to examine the being inside the suit. No way to prove that it’s a being with a pulse, a heart, lungs, a brain, any of that.
Best,
Duncan
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Hi Duncan,
That sounds crazy to me. Obviously, they have a pulse and a heart. But putting that aside, if you are stating we can’t prove that they are living beings, then that means they are not living beings in your eyes. Like a tornado. A hurricane. A wildfire. Does this not fall under the natural disasters category?
Claire
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Hi Claire,
Good question! Nope! We can’t prove these aliens and their ships are natural. As you have likely seen on many news sources, plenty of pundits have speculated that a select few billionaires working with certain politicians have made these “aliens” and their ships in a lab, sending them out to attack certain states and cities and districts in hopes to eliminate people who vote for their opposition. So, we don’t know if these things are even natural. A very good chance they aren’t!
Best,
Duncan
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Duncan,
That is insane. By the way, not “many news sources” have said this. Three pundits with a notorious history of spewing lies to scare their base have said this on ONE NEWS SOURCE and there is no evidence. It holds no credibility. It’s just a random thing that someone says. You cannot base insurance policies on a farce.
Claire
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Hi Claire,
The reality is, we can’t rule it out, so we can’t claim them to be natural… or natural disasters… if we don’t know everything about them.
Best,
Duncan
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Hi Duncan,
So, if you don’t know if they’re natural or not, you cannot tell me they are not. Unless you are indeed saying they were artificially created, then we can just go to the person who artificially created them and that is where I get my money from!
Claire
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Hi Claire,
But we can’t prove it, we aren’t certain.
Best,
Duncan
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Duncan,
City House Insurance HAS TO claim them as something. Anything. Call them beings. Call them natural disasters. Call them artificially created and if so, then they are created by someone. Someone is at fault! Somehow, I have to get money for this. I didn’t do this to my own house! The alien ship hit it and it was chased by the military! Go to the military for this if you have to! But this claim has to be categorized SOMEHOW. I don’t care how. We can’t just say because we don’t know the specifics, we are going to recognize it as nothing. It wasn’t “nothing” that decimated half my house!
Claire
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Dear Valued City House Insurance Customer,
Thanks for reaching out to me! You’ve caught me at a time when I am unable to respond to emails for one reason or another. But rest assured, I will get back to you as soon as I am able.
Best,
Duncan
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DUNCAN!
DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST GIVE ME THE OUT OF OFFICE REPLY! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! I NEED ANSWERS!!! I NEED THIS CLAIM FULFILLED! IF YOU DO NOT GET BACK TO ME, I WILL BE GOING TO SOMEONE ABOVE YOUR HEAD! DO NOT THINK I AM LYING! I AM A CHANGED WOMAN! EVERY NIGHT I ONLY SLEEP A TOTAL OF 4 HOURS, TWICE IN 2-HOUR SHIFTS, AS MY FAMILY AND I TAKE TURNS WATCHING OUT FOR THE BLACK BEARS AND GRAY WOLVES AS THEY KEEP ATTEMPTING TO ENTER OUR HOME AT NIGHT TO STEAL OUR FOOD! IT RAINED ALL LAST WEEK AND ALL OF MY KIDS CAUGHT PNEUMONIA. WE CANNOT SHIELD OURSELVES FROM THE ELEMENTS OR THE ANIMALS. I HAVE LOST ALL JOY IN MY LIFE. I WILL MAKE IT MY LIFE’S MISSION TO GET THE MONEY I AM OWED ON THIS CLAIM EVEN IF I HAVE TO TAKE YOU DOWN!
Claire
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Dear Claire,
Pleased to meet you, my name is Herman Logan, I am the regional manager of several of the City House Insurance locations, including the branch that you have been in contact with… specifically with our agent Duncan Herrmeier. I was brought into this email thread as you had not received a response in a while. As you may have heard in the news, there was an influx of alien ships in our area the other night. They were going after resources and the military pursued, and it all ended in a fiery explosion in the East Tomahawk Plaza. That happens to be the plaza where Duncan’s City House Insurance branch was located. The City House Insurance building and every other business in that plaza, with the exception of the Subway, were destroyed and everyone in them perished. That is why you received Duncan’s Out of Office Reply. It’s standard protocol for a City House Insurance employee’s Out of Office Reply to be sent in the event of their death. As you can imagine, my team and I have been devastated, picking up the pieces, and picking up the existing email threads. Which is why you find me here. I apologize for the delays you have experienced, but I am here with my book of guidelines and a footlong Veggie Delight, ready to help. So, please, let me help.
Best,
Herman
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Dear Herman,
I am so sorry to hear about Duncan and the others.
Sincerely,
Claire
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Dear Claire,
Don’t worry, it happens. The aliens won’t stop coming. In fact, they’ve realized that we have plenty of valuable resources, so their attacks will just keep increasing. This is the new normal for us. We just have to get used to it. But please, let’s take care of your insurance claim!
Best,
Herman
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Dear Herman,
OK. Sure. So, one half of my house was destroyed when military jets were chasing the aliens and an alien ship hit my home. So, I placed the claim for this a long time ago and it has been taking forever.
Thanks,
Claire
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Hi Claire,
Hm. Did you say the alien ship hit your home? That’s not good. That’s sounding like it won’t be covered. Let me check with one of the agents that I work with. I don’t think any of our policies will cover that as we can’t prove these are lifeforms like humans. Let me get back to you.
Best,
Herman
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Herman,
Before you go talk to the agent, isn’t there some part of the policy that covers damage by animals? They have to be considered animals at least, right?
Claire
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Hi Claire,
Good question! And yes! At the very least, we can consider them to be animals. Unfortunately, City House Insurance only covers damage caused by animals that are mammals, and as it is overwhelmingly evident, these aliens are of reptilian or amphibian nature. So, they wouldn’t be covered. Let me discuss with my agent any other possibilities.
Best,
Herman
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Hi Herman,
Could we please talk on the phone rather than email? Or meet in person? I really just want to sit down with you and take care of this, like now. It’s getting scary over here. There was another attack in our area, as I am sure you know as it was likely near you as well, but many alien ships landed in the field near our home. Several of their troops were about to enter through the gaping hole in our house and were only scared away by a black bear in the area. The black bear then entered our home and stole our food and attacked my husband who was trying to fight it off, giving him several gashes in his leg and leaving him hobbled. I need this handled ASAP. Can you please work with me to resolve this right away?
Thank you,
Claire
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Dear Valued City House Insurance Customer,
Thanks for reaching out to me! You’ve caught me at a time when I am unable to respond to emails for one reason or another. But rest assured, I will get back to you as soon as I am able.
Best,
Herman
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Bio:
Stephen Kramer Avitabile is a New-England-born, Los-Angeles-based writer of short stories, novellas, novels, and screenplays. He’s had his work appear in publications like Cosmic Crime Stories, The Fifth Di…, and Sci-Fi Shorts. When not writing, he spends his time with his partner Evelyn, exploring Southern California, taking care of their guinea pig Peggy and tortoise Joey, and feeding the animals outside his home.
Philosophy Note:
This Fictional Non-Fiction story is my take on the world we live in today. Dealing with companies, things that are inevitable and unavoidable… like having insurance… and how they are so unfair and designed just to serve the conglomerates. So many systems are broken in our world, and there is no avoiding them. By being born, you sign a contract to operate within the rules set forth years before your existence. You have no say as to whether you will participate in these things or not… you have to. These systems are difficult to navigate and it feels impossible to grant yourself any assistance in hard times. Most companies design protocols to be so complicated and annoying that people will get confused and/or give up, thus remaining at a deficit. In my story, aliens are now a well known and accepted situation in our world… and the insurance companies do not change. They only get worse.
